15 Ways To Tell He’s Already Cheated On You

There is nothing worse than thinking your partner may be cheating on you. That sense of unease and worry that comes with suspecting infidelity is a heavy burden to bear that can eat away at your self-confidence and make you second-guess your self-worth. If you feel like you and your partner are growing more and more apart each day and he’s been exhibiting some shady behavior lately, you might be dealing with a cheater. It’s tough to admit to yourself that the person you love is betraying your trust, but it’s better to know and be able to move on than sit and stew in relationship limbo. You deserve someone who is open and committed to you, and if you’re feeling like his attention is elsewhere, there’s a good chance he might be straying from the relationship you thought you were both invested in.

If you suspect your man might be doing you dirty, he’ll no doubt be showing signs without even knowing it. Cheaters rely on secrecy and lies to get away with their dirty deeds, but even the sneakiest snakes can give away their game if you know how and where to look. Check your partner’s recent behavior against these telling signs, and you’ll know whether or not you need to kick him to the curb.

1. He’s More Critical
If nothing you do seems to be right lately and your partner keeps critiquing every little thing you do, it could be a sign that your partner is being unfaithful. A sudden increase in hostile criticism about everything from your cooking to your clothing is a good indication your partner is lashing out at you due to cheat-guilt. Cheaters often try to justify their infidelity by making it seem that their current relationship is too terrible to stay in, and therefore do everything they can to try to sabotage it to ease their guilt over straying. If your partner never seems happy with anything you do, don’t get yourself down. It’s him, not you. His guilty conscience is weighing on him, and the strain of the guilt and shame he’s dealing with is probably making him lash out on you. Remember your self-worth though, and don’t let his cheat-shame erode your confidence.

2. His Tastes Have Changed
Part of the beauty of being in a relationship is knowing your partner wholly inside and out. Knowing what kind of food, music, and hobbies he likes is usually the foundation of what brought you two together in the first place. When these consistencies change out of the blue however, it’s not surprising to become a little suspicious. If your man has always expressed a distaste for jazz music but is all of a sudden a jazz-listening aficionado, it could be a tell-tale sign he’s cheating. Never seen him watch a documentary but now he can get enough factual film? He could be seeing a side chick. Tastes and interests develop as we get older, but a sudden, drastic change in taste likely means he’s been influenced by someone else and wants to impress them. If you see your man becoming a different person through a sudden change in taste, there’s probably another woman in the picture.

3. He Buys You Random Gifts
There’s nothing wrong with a man wanting to show love and appreciation for his significant other by buying her gifts, but if it’s happening frequently and out of the blue, it could mean your man is feeling ashamed for cheating on you and wants to ease his guilt. Random gift-giving is an early sign of adulterous behavior and is often a way for a cheater to cover his tracks. By giving you an unexpected gift, he’s really just trying to distract you from other suspicious behaviors he’s been demonstrating lately. It might also be a way for him to feel like he still has an upper hand in the relationship despite being unfaithful. In a way, giving you a gift means taking away your power to be angry with him about something. By attempting to make you happy with presents, he’s actually trying to convince himself that he’s not a bad guy, while also trying to prove to you and your peers that he cares.

4. His Mood Is All Over The Place
Guilt has an ugly way of manifesting itself, often through anger and volatility. This is why cheaters can often be prone to wild mood swings, blowing hot one minute and cold the next. The smallest of things can trigger a cheater’s temperament and what may seem like a fun, relaxed chill-sesh with your man could easily and rapidly turn into a moody, hot-tempered quarrel. Shame and guilt aren’t pleasant to deal with, which is why your partner might try to fight off these nagging feelings by turning the negative energy outwards onto you. Cheaters often resort to blame and anger when they’re trying to protect themselves from their own guilty conscience. Often these mood swings will come about when you’re sharing a happy moment with him, making him realize he’s damaging the relationship and therefore resorting to lashing out against you.

5. He Accuses You Of Cheating
Suspect him of cheating but he’s turned it around and accused you of being unfaithful? Psychological projection is one of the many tell-tale signs of a cheater and is a go-to method for adulterers trying to cover their tracks. By accusing you of the thing he is guilty of, your cheating partner is ascribing flaws onto you that he denies possessing. These accusatory attacks are a strong line of defense for a cheater, allowing him to deflect the blame onto you while taking the focus off of himself. Unfaithful partners often think they can absolve themselves from blame by flipping the argument onto the other person, no matter how unrealistic it might be. If your partner starts playing the blame game on you, then there’s a good chance you’ve got a cheater on you hands. Stay strong though and don’t let him flip the accusations on you. If you know you’ve got nothing to hide, don’t let his mind games weaken your resolve to get answers.

6. He’s Spending MoreTime “At Work”
If your partner is spending unusually long hours “at work”, there’s a good chance he’s swapping the boardroom for the bedroom and not telling you about it. If his workload seems to have doubled and yet his paycheque is still the same, there might be something up. Similarly, if weekends and nights are now dedicated office hours but he won’t tell you anything about that “project” he’s spending all his time working on, you have definite cause to think he’s getting up to no good. There’s a difference between being dedicated to your job and spending every possible moment working, especially if he’s never had to work such long hours before. Early morning starts and late finishes at the office are go-to excuses cheaters use to cover up adulterous behavior, especially if he avoids letting you contact him or see him during these extended working hours.

7. He’s Defensive Over Small Things
“Why do you care where I was?”, “Why are you getting on my case?”, “Aren’t I allowed to see my friends?”, “Call Steve if you don’t believe me!” Sound familiar? When a man gets overly defensive when asked a simple question about his whereabouts or behavior, it’s likely that he’s trying to hide something from you. Healthy relationships should be based on truth and honesty, and if your man is not being forthcoming about his day-to-day activities, you have every reason to be suspicious. When he gets defensive and irritable over simple questions you’ve asked him, he might try to make it seem like you’re the one being unreasonable and accuse you of being overbearing and distrustful. This is classic deflective cheater behavior, and should instantly be treated as a red flag. If you’re not getting the answers you should be getting, you need to ask yourself some questions about the reliability of your man.

8. He’s Distracted When He’s With You
You know that feeling of talking to someone but you might as well be talking to a brick wall? It’s bad enough when it happens with a friend, but it’s even worse when you get this type of non-responsiveness from your significant other. You might be trying to talk to him about something serious or even just joke around with him, but it seems like his mind is miles away. This often happens when your partner is cheating since his thoughts are preoccupied with another woman. Not only does this type of behavior make you feel like you’re not important, it also shows that his attention is clearly elsewhere. When couples spend time together, both parties should be physically and mentally present. If he can’t seem to focus on you and the time you’re trying to share with him, it’s likely he’s thinking about how he can spend more time with his partner in cheating crime.

9. His Appearance Has Changed
One of the most telling signs that your partner has already been cheating on you is his appearance. If your man has upped his grooming game lately, it could mean he’s trying to impress another woman. It’s no secret that as we settle into a relationship, we often find ourselves making less of an effort to always look good. This isn’t always a bad thing, as there’s a certain comfort that comes with being able to just be yourself with your partner and not feel the need to constantly be on show. That’s why if you see your man suddenly putting more of an effort into his outward appearance, it could mean he’s in that dress-to-impress stage with someone else. Usually there’s a motivation behind self-improvement, and if he’s not telling you why he’s changing his appearance, then you’re not wrong in thinking he might be cheating.

10. He’s Stopped Inviting You To Social Events
Got the feeling you’re being left out? If your partner has stopped inviting you to social events, whether for business or with friends, it could mean something’s up. People in loving relationships tend to be proud of one another and want to share each other with their friends, family, and colleagues. If your partner is avoiding bringing you to parties, it might be because he knows there’s someone going whom he’d rather spend time with. He may also want the freedom to chat to other women, and by not having you there, it allows him to pretend he’s single. When a man invites you to be a part of his social life, he is letting others know that you are an important part of his life. By not including you, he is making a clear statement that he does not want you around.

11. He’s Secretive With His Phone
Most of us are guilty of spending too much time on our phone, but if your partner is spending all his free time on his device and not letting you see what he’s doing, you have every reason to be suspicious. If he changes his phone password and refuses to let you know what it is, there’s a good chance he’s got something to hide. Not letting his phone out of his sight is also a sign that he doesn’t want you to know what he’s doing on his device. Our phones are the gatekeepers to all our information these days, and if he were innocent, he wouldn’t mind leaving his phone around for you to see. If your man gets jumpy and overly protective when you ask to see his phone or if he starts getting angry when you ask him about it, it might be time to consider whether or not he’s cheating on you.

12. He Keeps His Distance Emotionally And Physically
All couples have cute little quirks that make their relationship special. Whether it’s the way he always asks you about your day or the way he kisses the nape of your neck, the small gestures of care and love are what makes being in a relationship worthwhile. A sudden drop in attentiveness and interest towards you is a big red warning sign that your partner might be doling out his care elsewhere. If it seems like he no longer cares about how you’re feeling or what you’re up to these days, there’s a good chance it’s because he’s more preoccupied with giving emotional and physical closeness to another woman. Feeling like you’ve gone from soul mates to housemates could be because he’s too preoccupied forming new emotional and physical bonds with someone else, leaving your needs unattended to in the process.

13. He Checks Out Other Women When He’s With You
No one likes feeling like they’re not good enough and no one likes knowing their partner is clearly checking out other people. It’s a known fact that men will see attractive women in their day-to-day life, whether it’s while walking down the street or while they’re watching movies starring glamorous actresses. And, just like we might notice an attractive man walking past us, men too will obviously notice good-looking women. There’s a difference though between noticing beauty, and obviously checking someone out while you’re with your significant other. If your man is noticeably ogling other women while he’s with you, it’s a clear sign that he has others besides you on his mind. It also shows a lack of respect for you and your feelings, and demonstrates a lack of self-control. If he doesn’t care about how looking at other women makes you feel, then he might not think twice about being with other women too.

14. He Avoids Picking Up Certain Calls When He’s With You
Has your man ever looked at his phone while it’s ringing and not picked up? Has this happened repeatedly? It might be because someone he doesn’t want you knowing about is calling him. This is especially true if the number doesn’t have an assigned name, or if the number repeatedly calling is “work.” If his workplace were really calling, wouldn’t he pick up? If your partner is avoiding calls while you’re around, it could potentially indicate he’s cheating on you. If you tell him you don’t him picking up the call and he refuses while also looking flustered and bothered, there’s a good chance he’s trying to hide whomever is on the other end of the phone call. Likewise, if he picks up a call and walks out of the room, he clearly doesn’t want you knowing anything about the person he is talking to. Cheating involves secrets and lying, and secretive calls like this are a good sign he has something to hide.

15. He Avoids You In Private
If business in the bedroom has gone from boom to bust, it might be a sign your man is getting action elsewhere. Your partner’s failure to initiate intimacy or be receptive to your advances should be treated as a red flag if you suspect that he might be cheating. If he demonstrates a pattern of excuses to fob you off like “I’m too tired” or “I have too much on my mind”, this could indicate that he hasn’t got the stamina to keep up physical relations with you because he’s wasted his energy on another woman. A sudden dried-up love life could also stem from his guilt for having been cheating on you, as engaging in a physical act of love with you would remind him that he is ultimately hurting you, a reality that is often then avoided by cheaters through a conscious physical withdrawal in intimacy.